Oh the Yogavanity!
So how horrible a yogi am I that when I saw “Free DKNY yoga mat with $60 DKNY Pure purchase!” my first thought was, oh, DKNY, you have got me there.
That link is for Macy’s, but I found out about it as a perfume insert card in this week’s Ulta mailer, though Ulta doesn’t have any discernible mention online.
Way to hit me where I live.
I mean, this is bad, right? Read More…
Yogadventures: This is Your Brain On Yoga
“People don’t understand, do they?…They’re sort of shut up in little boxes, aren’t they?“–Our Town
Yesterday Mister Bendy and I signed up for a handstand workshop. Mister Bendy would be my left arm which does not straighten and thus made me fall on my head the last time I attempted a handstand (and PS I KNOW there’s some advanced gender-theory stuff going on whereby I refer to a body part as male when I am generally a cislady. Feel free to entertain me with your theories). And if you have been following my yoga exploits on this blog, you’ve heard me whining about how much it sucks to not be doing handstands like all the cool kids.
BUT! But that was then and that was soooo long ago. Now I’m a girl who complains about Surya Namaskara B Cycle to strangers like it’s something they obviously know about (“who does that on the breath calls? Nobody”), has an opinion about Bikram even though I’ve never done it, and pins photos of people in ridiculous poses while secretly wishing she had some of herself. My iPhone screen saver is scorpion, because it was my New Year’s Resolution.
Because that is what yoga does to your brain: it turns “I can’t do that” to “I can’t wait until I can do that.” Read More…
How I Use Pinterest in My Yoga Practice (And How It Can Help You Connect With Your Passions, Too)
Pinterest has inspired me to incorporate surfboards into my practice! Haha, no. Pinterest is the fastest-growing social media site ever. Which you know because you’re on it! Everyone is on it. But not everyone knows quite what to “do” with it (how many followers do you have with 0 pins and 0 likes?)
Pinterest is the Internet’s virtual pinboard, with everyone tacking up–”pinning”–their interests. It’s completely photo-based, lending itself to pretty photos of “things”: things to buy, things to cook, places to visit. It looks like a shopping list for your dream shopping spree, which can leave people who aren’t jazzed about finding the exact right lilac-and-honey-themed centerpiece for their table, or redoing the bathtub in spanish tile at a loss for how to use the site for themselves.
There is a joke somewhere in here about how Pinterest = Goop, and I will get back to you just as soon as I’ve worked out that punchline. Read More…
Sally Hansen Salon Effects Real Nail Polish Strips: Helping Ladies LIke Me Look Grown-Up and Put Together
I am terrible at many things. Like Calculus (only subject I ever almost failed. If I had been better at it I might be splitting atoms right now instead of talking about Journey songs). Pushups. Basketball. Also chess, but that’s because it’s impossible for me to go about anything in a roundabout way.
I am also terrible at painting my fingernails. Terrible with both hands! I always end up looking like I used a paint roller to do it while I was having some kind of seizure. So I always leave them bare. But I read so many fashion magazines that I feel like I’m not completely put together. Like, outfit-minus-one. It’s the one thing I’m bad at that I have a little bit of a complex about (well, the Calculus too, but only sometimes). Are grown-up put-together ladies looking at my fingers and saying, “oh the outfit looked so good but…missed it by an inch”?
Sally Hansen Salon Effects Nail Strips let me live like a grown-up. Read More…
Judge Me: I Am the Crazy Lady With Arbitrary Dating "Rules"
A while back I completely blew off a one-word text from a guy I have every reason to think is a decent human being. I rationalized it by telling myself that “sup?” does not a conversation make. Since this is a guy I don’t really know too well, I’m pretty certain that’s that. So now I’m a huge jerk! And the truth is, if he did text me again? There’s no way I’d answer, since who keeps after a jerk who blows them off?
Because I have arbitrary dating rules. Read More…
Feminist Women On The Moon
Everyone, I think it’s time we got out. When Planned Parenthood (and also Nancy Pelosi) tweeted that photo of a sausage fest testifying to congress about women’s rights to have control over their own bodies, I was so speechless with rage I almost clawed my own eyes out. Self harm! It’s no good. Look, we’ve tried. We marched, we yelled, we begged we pleaded, we cajoled and we patiently explained. And after a hundred years a group of men sit in front of the body that will determine whether women have a right to take medicine, and everybody’s all, “U mad?“
I think it’s time to put that plan into action…you know, the one we were talking about the last time we were drinking whiskey and braiding each other’s hair? Let’s find whatever moon colony plans Newt Gingrich has been able to work on and steal them to build our own feminists-only moonbase. Read More…
Happy Valentines Day! Facebook Wants You To Die Alone
Have you checked your Facebook messages today? Oh you have? Have you checked the OTHER messages today? You know, the secret ones that Facebook doesn’t give you alerts for?
Over a year ago, Facebook changed the messages function, sorting all incoming messages and sending them to one of two inboxes: those they determine are “meaningful,” like messages from people you’re already friends with or pages with whom you interact a lot, go in the main inbox and you get an alert. Messages from people you aren’t friends with or don’t interact with as much get thrown into a bottomless void they’ve labeled “Other.” And you don’t get an alert. Which, on the surface, seems like a decent idea. Who cares that the 1000-miles-away-museum you Liked after vacation last year is having a canned food drive? Read More…
If You Only See One Silent Movie This Year, See it With a Bunch of Olds Who Don’t Give a Crap About What Anyone Thinks
We all know about The Artist by now, yeah? The one that keeps winning awards everywhere? The one everyone keeps assuming you’ve seen but you actually haven’t because you’re embarrassed to admit (even to yourself) that you’re one of those Philistines who’s still going “gah, a silent film?” That one. Go see it. It’s fantastic! It’s great and funny and clever and awesome. It’s even more awesome surounded by the elderly in the middle of the afternoon. Read More…
Dear My Future Children: Here’s the Talk You’ll Get About Drugs
Hey kids! Greetings from the past–the probably distant past. There’s been a lot of talk lately among the other grownups at work about lying to their kids. Probably since it was recently the holidays and you know how people get all tore up about the ethics of Elf on the Shelf. Anyway, the conversation always wanders over into drugs and alcohol territory, and what they’ll tell their kids when they ask what their parents did. And that’s when your old ma gets to put on her smug face–a face you know well!
You see, your mom is thrilled that she finally has an advantage to being a turbo dorkasaurus all those years. I can still have the moral high ground and never have to worry about lying to you at all. Read More…
Stop Being Horrible Jerks to The Transphobic Girl Scout
Dear Grownups of The Internet, such as you are: you’re driving me crazy over a 14-year old girl. Because I agree with you but you are going about this the completely wrong way. Read More…
